Breaking the Silence - Abuse Against Men and Parental Alienation
- nickallan5
- Oct 22
- 5 min read
Today, in the UK, barrister Charlotte Proudman who specialises in violence against women and girls is celebrating. Having launched 'Right to Equality' in 2022, she has been successful in persuading the government to abolish the legal presumption that a parent has the right to involvement in their children's lives.
This challenge to the existing legal principle is based upon the assumption that it is men who diretly represent the greatest threat to children by means of physical violence and abuse. This is ill-thought and is a reckless and dangerous change of direction. Why?: because women can also be the instigators of abuse, not only physical, emotional and manipulative but coercive and controlling. Indeed, the majority of cases of parental alienation is attributable to mothers.
There is a great danger that a change in the way courts approach this will result in a duplication of the appalling Protection From Abuse orders which are so readily used in the United States to make false allegations and prevent access by a father to his children.
This can't go unchallenged. There has to be a better way!
Let me say this this: abuse doesn’t discriminate. It doesn’t care about gender, age, or background. Yet, when we talk about domestic abuse, the stories we hear most often are about women. That’s important, of course. But what about men? What about the men who suffer in silence, trapped by shame, stigma, and misunderstanding? This post is for them. For those who feel invisible. For those who need to know they are not alone.
Domestic abuse against men is real. It’s painful. And it’s often hidden behind closed doors. I want to share what I’ve learned, what I’ve seen, and what I believe needs to change.
Understanding Male Domestic Abuse Experiences
When we think of domestic abuse, many imagine physical violence. But abuse is much more than bruises and broken bones. It can be emotional, psychological, financial, or sexual. For men, the experience can be complicated by societal expectations of masculinity. Men are often told to be strong, silent, and self-reliant. This makes it harder to admit vulnerability or seek help.
I’ve heard stories of men being belittled, controlled, and isolated by their partners. Some have been threatened or physically harmed. Others have faced emotional manipulation that left them doubting their own worth. The pain is real, even if it’s not always visible.
One man told me, “I felt like I was losing my mind, but I couldn’t tell anyone. Who would believe me?” That question haunts many men. The fear of disbelief or ridicule keeps them locked in silence.
Signs of male domestic abuse can include:
Sudden changes in behaviour or mood
Withdrawal from friends and family
Unexplained injuries or excuses for them
Financial control or restrictions
Constant criticism or humiliation
Recognising these signs is the first step. But what do you do next? Where do you turn?
Why Male Domestic Abuse Experiences Are Often Overlooked
There’s a deep-rooted stigma around men admitting they are victims. Society often expects men to be the protectors, not the ones needing protection. This creates a dangerous silence. Many men fear being labelled weak or less of a man. Some worry about losing custody of their children if they speak out.
Support services for male victims are limited compared to those for women. This lack of resources sends a message that men’s experiences are less valid. It’s a cruel irony because abuse can be just as damaging regardless of gender.
I’ve met men who tried to get help but were turned away or dismissed. That rejection adds another layer of trauma. It’s not just the abuse itself but the feeling of being invisible to the system designed to help.
We need to challenge these biases. We need to create spaces where men feel safe to share their stories without fear or shame.
What is the rate of domestic abuse against men?
Understanding the scale of the problem is crucial. Statistics show that a significant number of men experience domestic abuse, but the true figures are likely higher due to underreporting.
According to recent studies, approximately 1 in 7 men in the UK have experienced some form of domestic abuse. This includes physical violence, emotional abuse, and coercive control. Yet, only a fraction of these men come forward to seek help.
Why? Because the fear of not being believed is real. Because the shame is overwhelming. Because the support systems are not always accessible or welcoming.
These numbers remind us that male domestic abuse experiences are not rare anomalies. They are part of a widespread issue that demands attention and action.
How to Support Men Experiencing Domestic Abuse
If you or someone you know is facing abuse, it’s important to remember: help is available. You don’t have to suffer in silence.
Here are some practical steps to take:
Recognise the signs - Trust your instincts if something feels wrong.
Reach out to trusted people - Friends, family, or professionals who can listen without judgment.
Contact specialised support services - There are organisations dedicated to helping male victims.
Create a safety plan - Think about how to stay safe, including emergency contacts and safe places.
Seek legal advice - Understanding your rights can empower you to take action.
Consider counselling or therapy - Healing from abuse takes time and support.
Remember, abuse is never your fault. You deserve respect, safety, and dignity.
If you want to learn more or find support, check out domestic abuse against men. It’s a resource that shines a light on this often-hidden issue.
Moving Forward: Changing the Narrative
Breaking the silence on male domestic abuse experiences means changing how we talk about abuse. It means listening without judgment. It means believing men when they say they are hurting.
We need more awareness campaigns, better funding for support services, and training for professionals to recognise and respond to male victims. Schools, workplaces, and communities all have a role to play.
Most importantly, we need to create a culture where men feel safe to speak up. Where vulnerability is not a weakness but a sign of courage.
I believe that by sharing stories, educating others, and advocating for change, we can make a difference. No one should have to suffer alone.
If you’re reading this and feeling lost or scared, know this: you are seen. You are heard. And there is hope.
Breaking the silence is the first step. The journey to healing and justice is long, but it starts with a single voice speaking out. Let that voice be yours.
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