A Controller Walks Into a Bar ............

nickallan5
Oct 13
2 min read

I decided to write this account of my experience two years after it all peaked. I did it because I needed to tell someone – if only myself. It was a great part of the healing process, but I also hoped that, one day, I could share the story with others in my situation.

For me there was precious little help and support available. Indeed, there was outright hostility from the organisations which were supposed to support families in crisis. Social Services were especially disbelieving, antagonistic and yes, even sexist.

At first, there was within me, anger and resentment, then deep depression before acceptance and finally, forgiveness.

I wrote and re-wrote my story several times over the following years, reviewing my words, refining them and, hopefully, putting them in a way that others could share it and take heart. In those years between then and now, I researched and learned a great deal about parental alienation, alcoholics, domestic violence and controllers.

The alienator, the alcoholic and the abusive controller share some common traits.

· They are experts in disguising their behaviour.

· They are prolific liars

· They blame others for their behaviour or ‘problems’

· They manipulate those around them.

· They operate in their own version of ‘reality’

· Their selfishness knows no boundaries, even at the expense of their children

· They cannot abide those around them enjoying life without them being at the centre.

· They drive wedges between their targets and their families

· The financially exhaust their targets

· They seek to control the movements of their targets.

· They use their children as ‘weapons’ or instruments of bribery.