Inside the mind of an Alienator

A parent who alienates is essentially, a sociopath.

They disregard what is 'normal’ parental behaviour and have no care for the feelings or rights of the child or the other parent. Indeed, they're more often hostile. They are callous, deceitful, aggressive, impulsive and irresponsible. These traits are often the result of problems in their own childhood.

Parental alienation is a particularly cruel manifestation and relies heavily on the alienated parent not reacting for fear of further upsetting the child they love. But don't mistake the alienator's 'skill' as 'intelligence'. It is usually a primal and impulsive behaviour, built on a web of lies and deceit. The problem for them is that, in time, that web collapses under the weight of its own intricacy. Essentially, their lies will find them out! 

My experience of the process was fairly typical. The alienator would:

·      Be 'over-loving' to the child and influence/bribe them with 'things' - gifts, toys etc.

·      Isolate the child from the family of the other parent and try to influence them by expressing negative views and feelings against those relations.

·      Extend the isolation tactics towards the other parent and dictate when and also where that parent could spend time with the child.

·      When they feel that 'gentle' influencing is no longer effective, introduce a sense of anxiety and danger in the child about the other parent to discourage them from seeing the alienated parent. Essentially, to lie about the intentions and character of the alienated parent.

·      When that tactic begins to fail, to introduce the threat of direct action in the form of punishment or control.

The question that will play on the minds of parents who are the targets of this kind of behaviour is "Does my child believe all this?" and "When will they see the truth?"

My answers are "NO" and “They see it from the very beginning”. Why? Because the alienator forgets that their ‘opponent’ equally loves and has nurtured the child, and the child will not forget this. Despite the manipulation, control and lies, they will eventually exercise their own will. They will seek out the alienated parent and, once the truth is out, it is the alienator who will suffer.